Hope™
Letters from Nowhere
It had been a good week, all things considered. The rain had stopped, briefly, and I’d even found a £2 coin in the soil of my geraniums. The sky looked half-interested in being blue. It was enough to make a man consider believing again. A faint whiff of…
Then the letter arrived.
The envelope was thick, official-looking, and stamped with a logo I didn’t recognise: Department of Emotional Sustainability. It smelled faintly of toner and years of bureaucratic resignation. The kind of correspondence where you know that it has already made its decision about you. It’s a one-way conversation.
I put the kettle on before opening it (you don’t want to be unemployed and thirsty at the same time).
Re: Hope™ Redundancies
From: The Department of Emotional Sustainability
To: [REDACTED]
Subject: Hope™ (Termination of Employment)
Dear Former Employee,
We regret to inform you that your employment with Hope™ has been discontinued, effective immediately. This decision follows a quarterly review of optimism forecasts, which have fallen below sustainable levels for twelve consecutive months.
This is not a reflection of your individual performance. It is, rather, a structural adjustment; the market for hope™ has contracted. We are downsizing the department to make room for more profitable emotions such as Denial™, Distraction™, and Nostalgia™ (Premium Subscription Required).
Your final payslip will include:
Three (3) remaining affirmations (“It’ll all work out,” “Things happen for a reason,” and “Tomorrow is a new day”).
One (1) podcast recommendation on resilience, hosted by a millionaire who hasn’t felt anything since 2012.
The remainder of your unused optimism allowance, which will expire in 48 hours.
Please return all company property, including your Vision Board, unfinished bucket list, and any faith you may have stored in the communal cupboard.
You are, of course, free to reapply in the next cycle. The role may reopen under a new title: “Consultant for Delusional Persistence.”
We wish you every success in your future of uncertainty.
Kind regards,
HR (Hope™ Reduction)
Department of Emotional Sustainability
“Keeping morale optional since 2023.”
I placed the letter next to the bills, the reminders, and the unsent birthday cards. It looked right at home. Then I made another cup of tea, because what else can you do when you run out of Hope™?
